We have had a busy summer and this is the reason I haven't been blogging as of late. I apologize for that. Today is Sunday and I wasn't able to make it to Church today. Church has been a real challenge for us as a family since the boys have been born. At first we were so worried about our little babies getting RSV and then it turned into laziness, then it turned into, they are crawling all over now and it's too hard and now it has turned into they don't like sitting still during sacrament and the run away from us the second they get the chance. It's very hard on me emotionally and it's hard on Joaquin physically. Sometimes I feel like giving up, at times I have given up. Leaving the Church building alone with two screaming children, hardly being able to reach those doors to the outside so I could let the tears that were sitting in my eyes stream down my checks! It's so difficult and I have to say my testimony has really suffered because of it. Now this is no one's fault but my own and I realize this but sometimes (or most times) it's just easier not to go. The only problem with that is I know that going to Church has always helped me out spiritually and so for a while now I have been lacking in that department and it makes me feel sad because I think about how important it is to bring the boys to church to get them used to it. Then I have feelings of sadness about not being an emotionally strong enough person to deal with my kids......such frustration all the time.
So now here I sit. Look at some friends blogs, checking my email quickly while the boys take a little nap and I come across an old friend from high schools blog, who also happened to just have twin girls. She is a woman of faith and strength to me. She had some thoughts about being a mother and she also had a quote from a pamphlet someone had given her and it said this:
You were sent here into your mothering role and given the awesome responsibility for the physical, emotional, and spiritual welfare of your children without any experience or expertise. Why do you suppose that Heavenly Father has so decreed that we become parents without any previous experience? I think it is because He wants us to be on our knees where we need to be, seeking Him, pleading for patience and forbearance and understanding.
A little light bulb turned on in my head after I read this. I haven't relied as much as I have needed to on God and this is where the problem begins. I wonder if He just thinks, 'Michelle, I will help you but you just need to ask! It's so simple my girl, just get on those knees and ask.' So here I am writing this to the blogging world with tears floating around in my eyes, wondering why am I divulging this to everyone....I'm not really sure but that little quote gave me some enlightenment so maybe someone else will find as useful as I did.
I think God works in funny little ways and he knows us all so well, better than we know ourselves and I am grateful for that!
7 comments:
You're welcome to sit by us! We're exceptionally baby hungry and would be thrilled to help you with your cute boys so you can grow your testimony.
When we learned that we couldn't have kids, our testimonies plummeted, it was a scary time. But then we were called to Sunbeams where we learn that we are children of God and that He loves us. It's beginning again from the most basic principles, then adding in personal study of more 'difficult' spiritual matters and before you know it, you're back on top and happy again.
it IS hard to go to church with little ones! i have always said, "it's a good thing that the church is true, otherwise, i wouldn't be here right now!" there are many times that we don't make it through church with our kids, and i wonder sometimes why even go if we can't listen to the speakers? but, then again, it's all about trying to do what is right, and set the example for our kids. they eventually get better, and we have our good sundays and our bad sundays (more bad than good though...)
just know that you are a Daughter of God, and that He loves you, and will always be there for you when you are ready. that quote you shared was wonderful! thanks for sharing it!
I hear you. When we first moved back to Gunnison, ours were the only kids in the ward. And they were loud, and it was embarrassing, but if you just keep going it will get easier...and they will learn. Wade and I called ourselves actively inactive until Ellia hit 18 months and went to nursery (which is the BEST by the way), because we were always out in the hall with her. Keep it up. The Lord will bless you if you do your part. Love you.
P.S. I am coming to Sandy Thursday to see you and Rocky. I'll be around all weekend.When can we all get together?
Hang in there Mo. It is hard, so don't beat yourself up if you miss a Sunday here and there, or leave early even. But also don't forget to keep reading your scriptures at home, reading the Ensign, go to the temple when you can, and like you said, get on your knees and pray! Its the little things that we can do at home on our own that keep us going when we miss a Sunday once in awhile.
I am right there with you- 2 busy boys who seem like they don't hear a word I say. But they DO hear you and when you set a good example for them, they will one day follow. Love you! PLEASE call me busy girl!
Thanks for this post! I have felt the same way, as why we have not been at church for a long while. But I know that I need to get us all there and get the kids use to it, and like everyone else has told you if you miss here and there or have to leave at least we tried! Good luck and I hope we can get ourselves back as well.. We can both sit together with our twins!!
I love you so much Michelle. Check your email....
-Best Friend Emily in Riverton,
Gerbernator :)
I have been meaning to tell you that I appreciate your post. I read on a down day and it helped me to feel up. I am glad that something I posted helped you! That is what I love about blogging. I most definitely look up to you and see how I am going to be able to handle this twin things. I know how hard it was when I just had Logan. Hard. Almost unbearable. Now Logan plus two going in opposite directions. But there one thing I am sure of and it is that the gospel is true. All the little things are hard, but if you look at the big picture and keep trying you will be blessed for your efforts. It is a good thing Heavenly Father knows and blesses us individually! Love you!
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